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Why Am I Ashamed to be a Blogger?

By Posted on 26 5 m read

On a night out at a comedy club last weekend, the host was engaging with the audience around him, looking for someone to pick on. Sitting at the very front of the stage, I was an easy target. (It was my hen do for gods sakes I was an easy target for anything that weekend). Thankfully he started on other people that were closer to the stage but I knew it was a matter of time. As he talked and asked questions to the audience and poking fun at them I froze. Oh god! He is going to ask me what I do for a living?

Why am I ashamed to be a blogger?

You see I do not have a conventional job per se, though there are some that make a lot more money doing what I do than others in “conventional” jobs. In fact I work my butt off everyday to be able to one day be one of those people. But yet I am embarrassed. I am scared of what people are going to think. I am scared of being judged. What do I do? I am a blogger.

I have always been an ambitious person. The best advice I have ever gotten from someone was ‘Don’t rely on anyone else to look after you’. And that was what I did. I left Australia at the tender age of 19 and never looked back. I built a life and career from scratch all by myself, in a non-english speaking country and I am damn proud of that! But things changed.

I made the decision to follow my partner back to his hometown in Scotland which is predominantly run by the oil and gas sector. A beautiful country but career suicide for someone who works in the Fashion Industry. I can build a life and career again, I have done it before. I said feeling optimistic. And then I fell pregnant.

Made me feel like I was making a difference

 

Suffering from severe nausea I was forced to give up the job I had landed just as the oil and gas market plummeted. So I become a stay at home mum. The city that was once full of job opportunities had nothing to offer anymore. And people from difference sectors like myself were doomed. With my partner working offshore every month, my priority became my son and my life was consumed with baby. Check out my post about my struggle with PostPartum Healthy Anxiety

I love being a mum, but some people like me dream of more. Having always been independent I struggled with this new life. I used to want to conquer the world, but now I felt like my dreams were just far fetched fantasies. I had to do something. So to help me keep my feelings of inadequacy at bay I started blogging. It wasn’t much but it made me feel like a had a job again. Like I was working towards something. It was just a little piece of me that I could hold on to and make me feel like I was making a difference, even if it was small.

I could already see them rolling their eyes at me

So when my blog took off unexpectedly in January, I was stunned. I couldn’t believe that anybody was bothered to look at or read what I had to say. But it continued to grow. Could I actually do this full time? Could I make a job out of this? After doing some research I saw that lots of people make a living out of blogging and I felt a drive in me that I had not felt in a long time. So I started to take my blog a little more seriously.

Even though I was working a lot of hours, researching, writing and studying to understand this new world. Whenever someone would ask me what I did or if I was going back to work. I stumbled. How can I tell these people I am a blogger. They will laugh. I could already see them rolling their eyes at me, but why?

Society can be very judgemental

The thing is with blogging, is that people do not appreciate how much work actually goes into it. People see a few blog posts pop up a few times a week and they think it is just a small hobby you do when you have a bit of spare time. They don’t realise you spend hours a day brainstorming ideas, writing and editing photos. They don’t see that you have to learn about SEO, Web Coding and Online Marketing in order for your blog to be seen or to resemble something.

People just think you are sitting behind a computer ranting and posing for selfies. So I felt embarrassed to tell people what I was doing that I preferred to say I was a stay at home mum then to actually tell people that I’m a blogger. My feelings of inadequacy had taken over me causing me to feel ashamed of something I shouldn’t be. But I couldn’t help it. Society can be very judgemental and I didn’t want to be at the end of the judgement stick. What I didn’t realise was that by not standing up as a blogger I was contributing to this judgement and consequently letting myself and my fellow bloggers down.

They don’t realise you spend hours a day brainstorming

As difficult as it is I have decided to practise what I preach. I started this blog to give myself meaning and encourage myself and others to be confident in who they are. Regardless of what stage of life you’re are in. No matter what race, gender or sexual orientation. No matter what you do! (Hence the name ConfidentlyKylie, Get it?)

So for myself and for all my fellow bloggers, I refuse to be scared of what others may think. I won’t sit back and undermine the hard work we do. So the next time someone asks me what I do. I will be brave enough to say I am a blogger.

 

 

Why am I ashamed to be a blogger?

 

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Stop Slut Shaming: Empower women instead of slut shaming!

During a catch up with old friends and family, I noticed a mentality that disturbed me somewhat. A way of thinking that I had not seen since my teenage years, and that in my opinion has no place in this day and age amongst adults.

While casually chatting with some of the girls about life, the topic of conversation turned to relationships. Asking one of my single friends if she was seeing anyone, she went on to say that she had just split from someone. She then proceeds to tell me how many men she has slept with, and how difficult it is to find a nice guy with the amount of ‘sluts’ around. Taken aback a bit, I carried on with my night slightly disturbed at her comments as I watched her commenting and judging other women based on their make up and dress sense throughout the night.

“I watched her commenting and judging other women”

As the night went on, I could see there was hostility from the group towards one girl in particular who to me, seemed like a generally nice girl. During dinner the next night a male friend of mine turned to me and said ‘I cannot stand that girl. I don’t like her hanging out with my girlfriend because she is a hoe!’.

When I tried to get an explanation as to why she was a ‘hoe’, What I got disturbed me. Apparently the only reason this girl was not welcome into their group of friends was because she had, on occasion, intimate relations with men she was not in a serious relationship with.

Now my friend is far from innocent when it comes to the opposite sex. He is known for being a player. He is one of those men that would sleep with any girl who would allow it and then turn around and call them all sluts for being too easy. What disturbed me the most is that during this conversation another one of the girls at the table instantly agrees with my friends view on this poor girl. Then proceeds to tell us that she has only slept with 2 men her whole life! By which, she is praised by the others at the table for having such a ‘low’number!. I could not believe my ears! Were we still in high school? Was this really a conversation I was having with adults??

“Were we still in high school? Was this really a conversation I was having with adults?”

As I thought about the events that had taken place that night, I was infuriated. What did those girls think they achieved by telling everyone how many men they had slept with? Did they think that that made them better than anyone else? That by having a low number meant they were more worthy, more deserving of love? More girlfriend material?

Was it was ok for that girl, who chose to enjoy her sexuality, to be immediately branded a slut and treated as instant trash because of it. And the men? Most of them notorious for being players themselves. Constantly ogling anything in a skirt, flashing their double standards in front of everyone as if it were completely normal! They can ogle, cheat and sleep around all they want but if a women is comfortable with her sexuality then she is an instant slut and is thrown to the wolves as soon as they’re done!

“If a women is comfortable with her sexuality then she is an instant slut”

The sad thing is that I used to be one of those girls. Growing up in a family with an asian background and strong religious beliefs, the subject of sex is a huge taboo. Sex is a sin and is an act carried out between man and wife. A wife’s duty to her husband. Sexual desires or urges as a woman were never discussed and was usually frowned upon. This was taught down from the older generations, from our grandparents day and age.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that morals and self respect are very important and that children should be taught this from a young age. However I also believe that they should be taught to respect and empower each other. For young minded individuals it is important to be cautious. It is important to understand and practise self respect when it comes to the opposite sex, especially for young girls. But there is a fine line between teaching self respect and teaching girls that it is shameful to be confident in their bodies.

“Why is it that we have such a slut shaming culture?”

Why is it that we have such a slut shaming culture? How do we live in a so called ‘modern’ society, yet still have views about women that belong in the middle ages? I think  religion has a lot to do with this attitude. In the days of ancient civilisations and paganism, women were rejoiced, seen as goddesses. If she chose you, then it was a damn honour to be chosen. Roll on a couple of centuries and women were seen as inferior, temptresses. If a man was overcome with lust it was the woman’s fault not the mans.

Even though we have come along way from those times. This general attitude still seems prevalent. What strikes me the most is that this attitude is not only enforced by men but by women too.

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“What strikes me the most is that this attitude is not only enforced by men but by women too”

This needs to stop! We need to empower one another. The reason I have this blog is to help empower and inspire people to be happy with themselves. I am NOT a feminist, I am a humanist. I believe EVERYBODY no matter what gender, religion, ethnic background or whatever, deserves to be happy and live a fulfilled life.

So lets stop these negative attitudes! Sex is a natural act that when performed amongst consenting adults can be a beautiful act of love. Monkeys, apes and dolphins are known to enjoy sex with one another for reasons other than reproducing and I honestly do not see them slut shaming their females for it afterwards!!! Being comfortable and confident in one’s body should be praised not ridiculed!

“Let Stop Slut Shaming”

So if you see a girl who is wearing a tight, short dress, admire her confidence instead of shaming or judging her. Let her confidence inspire you. And if you are lucky enough to meet a woman that lets you close to her in anyway then you should be GOD DAMN proud that SHE chose YOU instead of putting her down for it!

Shaming her after such an honour reflects more your issues than hers. And that goes for men too, men and women deserve to be respected and not judged based on their past choices, how they dress or what they choose to do in the privacy of their own homes. As long as they are not harming anyone else then it is none of your business.

So lets empower each other instead of putting each other down. The world is a better place when it is full of happy people!

xxx

 

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