Sign up and get my FREE Modern Mum's Capsule Wardrobe Guide & Checklist. As well as exclusive promos, codes and post updates  

Tag Archives blog

Why Am I Ashamed to be a Blogger?

By Posted on 26 5 m read

On a night out at a comedy club last weekend, the host was engaging with the audience around him, looking for someone to pick on. Sitting at the very front of the stage, I was an easy target. (It was my hen do for gods sakes I was an easy target for anything that weekend). Thankfully he started on other people that were closer to the stage but I knew it was a matter of time. As he talked and asked questions to the audience and poking fun at them I froze. Oh god! He is going to ask me what I do for a living?

Why am I ashamed to be a blogger?

You see I do not have a conventional job per se, though there are some that make a lot more money doing what I do than others in “conventional” jobs. In fact I work my butt off everyday to be able to one day be one of those people. But yet I am embarrassed. I am scared of what people are going to think. I am scared of being judged. What do I do? I am a blogger.

I have always been an ambitious person. The best advice I have ever gotten from someone was ‘Don’t rely on anyone else to look after you’. And that was what I did. I left Australia at the tender age of 19 and never looked back. I built a life and career from scratch all by myself, in a non-english speaking country and I am damn proud of that! But things changed.

I made the decision to follow my partner back to his hometown in Scotland which is predominantly run by the oil and gas sector. A beautiful country but career suicide for someone who works in the Fashion Industry. I can build a life and career again, I have done it before. I said feeling optimistic. And then I fell pregnant.

Made me feel like I was making a difference

 

Suffering from severe nausea I was forced to give up the job I had landed just as the oil and gas market plummeted. So I become a stay at home mum. The city that was once full of job opportunities had nothing to offer anymore. And people from difference sectors like myself were doomed. With my partner working offshore every month, my priority became my son and my life was consumed with baby. Check out my post about my struggle with PostPartum Healthy Anxiety

I love being a mum, but some people like me dream of more. Having always been independent I struggled with this new life. I used to want to conquer the world, but now I felt like my dreams were just far fetched fantasies. I had to do something. So to help me keep my feelings of inadequacy at bay I started blogging. It wasn’t much but it made me feel like a had a job again. Like I was working towards something. It was just a little piece of me that I could hold on to and make me feel like I was making a difference, even if it was small.

I could already see them rolling their eyes at me

So when my blog took off unexpectedly in January, I was stunned. I couldn’t believe that anybody was bothered to look at or read what I had to say. But it continued to grow. Could I actually do this full time? Could I make a job out of this? After doing some research I saw that lots of people make a living out of blogging and I felt a drive in me that I had not felt in a long time. So I started to take my blog a little more seriously.

Even though I was working a lot of hours, researching, writing and studying to understand this new world. Whenever someone would ask me what I did or if I was going back to work. I stumbled. How can I tell these people I am a blogger. They will laugh. I could already see them rolling their eyes at me, but why?

Society can be very judgemental

The thing is with blogging, is that people do not appreciate how much work actually goes into it. People see a few blog posts pop up a few times a week and they think it is just a small hobby you do when you have a bit of spare time. They don’t realise you spend hours a day brainstorming ideas, writing and editing photos. They don’t see that you have to learn about SEO, Web Coding and Online Marketing in order for your blog to be seen or to resemble something.

People just think you are sitting behind a computer ranting and posing for selfies. So I felt embarrassed to tell people what I was doing that I preferred to say I was a stay at home mum then to actually tell people that I’m a blogger. My feelings of inadequacy had taken over me causing me to feel ashamed of something I shouldn’t be. But I couldn’t help it. Society can be very judgemental and I didn’t want to be at the end of the judgement stick. What I didn’t realise was that by not standing up as a blogger I was contributing to this judgement and consequently letting myself and my fellow bloggers down.

They don’t realise you spend hours a day brainstorming

As difficult as it is I have decided to practise what I preach. I started this blog to give myself meaning and encourage myself and others to be confident in who they are. Regardless of what stage of life you’re are in. No matter what race, gender or sexual orientation. No matter what you do! (Hence the name ConfidentlyKylie, Get it?)

So for myself and for all my fellow bloggers, I refuse to be scared of what others may think. I won’t sit back and undermine the hard work we do. So the next time someone asks me what I do. I will be brave enough to say I am a blogger.

 

 

Why am I ashamed to be a blogger?

 

[amazon_link asins=’0241217938,1419722158,1520631979,B01907K7L0′ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’confidentlyky-21′ marketplace=’UK’ link_id=’3619c8b5-3327-11e7-b051-2141f716d820′]

SaveSave

Share this article

Life with Endometriosis: What you need to know

Endometriosis, a condition not well known, but a condition that affects 1 in 10 women, most of which are unaware of the chaos that is happening in their own bodies. After almost 15 years of pain, I can finally say that I am an Endo sister. I have finally been diagnosed. I sit here now with 4 holes in my stomach after having keyhole surgery to remove a cyst the size of a grapefruit and to clean up the endometriosis that left my insides mangled together and my fertility in question. And I feel a sense of relief! Sore, but relieved that I have been taken seriously and that I am finally getting treatment for something that I have struggled with for most of my life. Relieved that my future as a mummy is still in tact.

But what is Endometriosis? It is when the lining of your womb which makes up your period, grows elsewhere in the body. When it is time for your period, this lining sheds blood like it would do in the womb except the blood gets trapped in your body which can then turn into a sticky glue that sticks your organs etc together causing pain and reducing fertility.

For me heavy periods was a normal part of life. I had started my first period at 8 years old and from then on they were a constant pain every month. As I got older, the heavier and more painful they became, until one day when I was 15 years old the pain had gotten the better of me.

I woke in the morning with a horrible cramp in my stomach. “Great”, I had thought, I have my period. But as the morning progressed the pain didn’t subside and I found myself doubled over unable to walk. My parents, not sure what to do, tried everything to ease my pain. They thought I had just contracted a stomach bug, but when I threw up everything they tried to give me and then passed out from the pain, they knew something was up. A trip to the ER and I was sent home and told that I had a low pain tolerance, told to suck it up, period pain is a normal part of being a woman.

its-ok-to-talk-period-poster

From then on, I would fear the time of month. It was always a lucky dip. Was it going to be a normal period this month or was I going to suffer? I never knew when it would come and what was worse was that no one would take me seriously. Countless times to the nurse at school or to the ER and each time told it is a normal part of being a woman. I came to the point where I used to hide it, try and sit in the corner until it passed because I was scared that people would think I was a drama queen, that I was an attention seeker. Trying to hide it was difficult, when you are in so much pain that you are throwing up and passing out it is hard for people not to notice.

I was on my way to the cinema with my mum and I could feel it coming.  I found myself drifting in and out of consciousness. As I walked in to the cinema room trying hard to keep up appearances, my body finally had had enough and I fell to the floor. I saw the panic on my mums face as she tried to lift me up and call the paramedics. Surely they would believe me this time? I am not faking it! I was at the movies, I was having a good time! But to my disappointment the paramedics scoffed and told me the same thing all the others had. It wasn’t until the manager of the cinema took my mum aside and said this isn’t normal. Get her checked for endometriosis.

img_7347

Endometriosis? I had never heard of it before but to my dismay my doctors didn’t seem to know much about it either. Their approach was to put me on the pill and hope for the best, if that didn’t work well then I just had to learn to accept it. At times, it was just plain embarrassing. When you pass out and throw up while you were in the toilet in the middle of a work day and are escorted out with your knickers in full view it is hard not to be embarrassed!

But with each episode, I found a new person who was struggling with something very similar and came to understand that it was a condition that was slowly getting recognised and that was a lot more common than I was lead to believe. Heavy periods, ovarian cysts, excruciating pain each month, symptoms of IBS and problems falling pregnant are all symptoms of endometriosis and if you suspect that you may have it I am here to give you hope and encourage you to get the treatment you deserve. Do not let anyone tell you that it is part of being a woman or to just suck it up!  It is NOT normal to pass out from pain every month! It is NOT just part of being a woman and NO you do NOT just have a low pain threshold!

It’s estimated that Endometriosis affects more than 2 million women in the UK and there are still a lot of women out there who are unaware of this condition. I feel like I am lucky, even though I suffered for a long time I am by far the worst. A lot of my fellow Endosisters suffer daily, with their quality of life greatly diminished and their chances of becoming mothers taken away from them. My heart and my respects goes out to all of them and I think it is our responsibility to create awareness of this common yet virtually unknown disease. Awareness of endometriosis has come a long way in the last 10 years but it still has a long way to go, if you would like to help or wish to learn more then take a look at   http://www.endomarch.org. Any little bit helps.

Logo

life-with-endometriosisLike this post? Then pin it using this image!

Share this article

My struggle with Post-Partum Health Anxiety

As the new year begins, I reflect over the past year with fondness, nostalgia and regret. Last year was one of the most rewarding yet challenging years of my life. It was the best year yet the most fearful. Becoming a mother has filled my heart with love that I never knew I was capable of and at the same time a fear that seemed to consume me.
I didn’t understand what was happening at the start and it started gradually. I was happy, completely happy with our new family and besotted with this gorgeous bundle we had made. I loved being a mum, it was tiring and demanding but I loved every minute of it. I wanted time to slow down so I could really cherish every single moment I had with my baby who I knew would grow up too fast. So when our Health Visitor breached the subject of Postpartum Depression I shot it down straight away. I wasn’t depressed, I was over the moon!

img_6842

It started with little intruding thoughts here and there, “What if I fell down the stairs with the baby while my fiancé is offshore” and “What if another car hit me while I was driving with the baby in the car”, but I managed to shrug them off until about 3 months postpartum when I started getting joint pain. I first had a little pain in one knee, then my fingers started clicking, until one morning I woke to find my thumb and forefingers were all bent and stiff. After a  trip to the doctor, I was referred to a Rheumalogist and that is when it all began. I became a google doctor, googling my symptoms every moment I could, to the point my fiancé had to take my phone and computer away from me. By the time I actually saw the Rheumatologist I had convinced my self I had an auto-immune disease and was going to die or be crippled. Fortunately the Rheumatologist confirmed that I have nothing of the sort and that it is common for women to experience joint pains after pregnancy.

My relief was only short lived as I couldn’t accept that was the answer, what if I had something horrible and they were missing it? My constant googling and paranoia started to take control of my life. Any symptom I felt I would google it. In one afternoon I had googled over 10 different cancers fearful that I might have one of them. My breaking point was when I was taken to hospital in Australia for abdominal pain and was told I had a cyst on my right ovary. Unfortunately for me, I was first told by a student doctor who had no idea what she was saying, whose uncertainty and elusiveness sent me into a panicked crying fit.

I pleaded with GOD and life to not let this happen, that I had a baby who needed me and that I didn’t want to die! Since the death of my father when I was young I had always wanted a family of my own to fill the void, now I finally had my family, I was finally happy, please do not take this away from me.

So when the senior doctor came in and explained that the cyst was benign and was most likely caused by Endometriosis, he shone a light and made me see that I had a problem. My brief outburst had brought up feelings that I didn’t realise I still had. Made me face the fact that I still had issues concerning my dads passing. My fear of missing out on my sons life is the sadness that he is missing out on mine. His grandchild, being here to walk me down the aisle.

img_6698

When I got home I looked up postpartum depression and found Postpartum health anxiety. I was shocked to see that I was not the only one. It is a very common part of postpartum anxiety which is not often talked about. Women all over the world were feeling the exact same way as me, whether they had lost a parent or not, and were in need of help. As I read all the stories of all these different mothers I felt relief and sadness. Relief that I was not the only one and that with help I could address my issues. Sadness at seeing so many others suffer and torment themselves all because there is not enough education on this subject.

There is a stigma regarding postpartum depression and anxiety which needs to be addressed. Women need to know that no matter how strong, independent and good a mum you are, you can also experience a form of postpartum depression and there is nothing wrong with that. I falsely believed that because I was not having difficulty bonding with my baby, or was not sad that I didn’t suffer from PPD. We gave up our bodies, lives and sometimes, our sanity for our babies. It takes time and patience to bounce back.We need to learn to admit that having a baby is hard and DOES take a toll on us without feeling like a failure and that it is ok to ask for help. I am the poster child for not asking for help.

If you are experiencing this, then please speak out and let other women know that they are not alone. This post has been a difficult one for me to write and share with you all but if I can help just one person by writing this and encourage others to tell their story, then it is worth it.

xx

[amazon_link asins=’B00EYG4LAG,B005CGQSHQ,0718187156′ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’confidentlyky-21′ marketplace=’UK’ link_id=’5649130f-0d4a-11e7-aa77-198c1eff452f’]

Share this article

Oh the joy of traveling with my 8 month old son

So the day that I had been looking forward to and dreading at the same time had finally come. I was heading to Australia for 2 months with my 8 month old son. I had come up with this brilliant plan when I was pregnant and was convinced it was the best plan ever. I would get to bask in the Australian sunshine, while Husband to be was working offshore and would get to hang out with friends and family, and be back home in time for Christmas. How amazing! Right?

But since giving birth I have realized that parenting is not as straight forward as I had originally thought or hoped and the thought of such a long flight alone with my baby was starting to weigh down on me. My son despite his cute chubby face, at times, liked to take on the persona of a demon child from hell and I wasn’t sure how he was going to react on a plane.

img_6811
But despite my anxiety I tried to be positive. The flight from Aberdeen to London and Singapore to Perth were both fairly short, I could entertainment him. What I was really nervous about was the 13 and half hour flight to Singapore. How could I keep him still and entertained for 13 hours when even at home with all the toys and rooms to play in he got bored and frustrated very easily. My hope was that he would sleep. It was a night flight after all, so it would be like night time at home right?
We board the flight to Singapore and to my surprise my son was in the best mood. The two seats next to us where currently empty and he was happy sitting and smiling at everyone while I packed our things away and prepared our seat for the long journey. I was briefly overcome with pride as he charmed all of the flight attendants including the middle aged man sitting nearby.

But my positive mood slowly started to fade when two young women plonked themselves on either side of us with ” oh no, not a baby” expressions on their faces. Have the seats shrunk? I honestly do not remember seats being THAT small. We were literally touching shoulders and at one point I was thigh to thigh with one of them. Cringe! It would have been awkward in a normal situation but as the girls get settled I see the expression on my sons face as he realizes there are two people with long hair and smartphones just a tiny arms length away. And so the struggle begins.

After what seeemed like an eternity wrestling with my 8 month old in the worlds tiniest space so that he would not grab hold of or jump on one of the two girls next to me, bassinet was finally up and I could finally eat my dinner and try and get some shut eye myself. When he went to sleep in the bassinet almost instantly. I felt triumphant! This was going to be easy!!!! …..I spoke too soon.
Just as all the other passengers were snuggling up to go to sleep, little one suddenly found his voice and decided that he wanted to squeal and scream in the highest pitch he could make for as long as he could. Nothing I did stopped him. Shoved a bottle in his mouth, nope! Dummy? Nope. Handing him his new toys especially bought for the plane ride…hell no! All I could do was try to quiet him while I wished I could crawl into a cave and hide.

It was strange, was this some super plane? Because as soon as we boarded the plane it seemed as if my son had suddenly acquired all these new skills. If it wasn’t the sudden high pitched squealing, it was the sudden ability to climb up on to anything and everything. Or his new found super hearing, where he could hear a food packet open from across the plane. I pitied the passengers who dared eat within sight of my little one, as they were instantly greeted with loud grunting and a death stare until he was able to get hold of whatever they were eating. Luckily I was prepared and could distract him with his own snacks.

img_6815

After what seemed like eternity he finally quieted down and started to fall asleep. Only downside was that he only wanted to sleep on me. The bassinet was useless and it was going to be a very long and tiring journey for Mummy, but we made it and I didn’t even need a to supply goodie bags to my fellow passengers. Now every time I see parents boarding flights with their children, I have an immediate respect and understanding for them. It is not easy, and the fear of other passengers reactions can be overwhelming, but take it in your stride. You and your child have every right to be on a plane as they do and the journey will not last forever.

I had survived a 30 hour journey from Scotland to Australia  alone with my 8 month old and if I can do it, any body can. Now I feel I can conquer anything. Bring on the sunshine! 

xxx

Share this article

5 products for quick & easy everyday makeup

Now that I am a mum of a very demanding and vibrant little man, I hardly have anytime to myself let alone time to put on a full face of make up every morning. With all the classes and groups we now have scheduled almost everyday, leaving the house bare faced #Iwokeuplikethis just doesn’t work for me! I need to look presentable while using the smallest amount of time possible. So here are 5 must have products that I use everyday that are quick and easy and give a fresh glowing look.

photovisi-download-2

1.MAC PREP & PRIME SKIN BASE: 

I lurrrrve this base! It is moisturising and illuminating. It has a slight shimmer thats makes your skin glow. I feel it really helps to make your foundation look natural and gives a dewy look. I sometimes just use it on my face without foundation.

2. MAC STUDIO WATERPROOF

When I was pregnant, my skin started to dry out which was strange for me as I had always had quite oily skin. Now 7 months postpartum and my skin is still on the dry side, which meant I needed to find another foundation. This MAC one is excellent. It is a liquid that feels like a moisturiser. All I need to do is rub it on my face like I would a moisturiser and thats it. If I have more time I sometime use the beauty blender, which is pictured above.

picmonkey-collage

3. MAC IN EXTREME DEFINITION MASCARA

I know it seems like I am a MAC ambassador but I really love this mascara. I have tried and tested a few from all different brands and this one gives the effect I am looking for. It thickens and lengthens the lash and it is easy to apply to your bottom lashes which was something I found difficult to do with some of the other brands I had tried.

picmonkey-collage-2

4. Laura Mercier Lipstick 

I didn’t know much about Laura Mercier until a few friends of mine highly recommended their products, and I have been really impressed so far. I got this lipstick as a gift and it has become my go to everyday lipstick. It looks so natural and moisturises my lips at the same time. I use the shade ‘Crushed Pecan’ which gives a great nude / natural lip for my skin colour.

5. BodyShop Bronzing Beads

 I know I have talked about these before, but this is my all time favourite make up product. I have been using these for years and am still in love them. They instantly bring a lift to your complexion and give a healthy natural glow. When I am in a rush and have been tired because my son has kept me up all night, all I do is brush this on my cheeks and T-zone and I instantly look refreshed. They come in two different shades, this shade and another for fairer skin.

So there you go, my easy make up must haves. Hope you enjoyed my post!

What are your favourite make up products?

 

– SHOP THE POST –

 

 

Logo

xxx

untitled-design-2Like this post? Then Pin it using the above image!

 

SaveSave

SaveSave

Share this article

Keep Calm I’m Turning 30 and I am Embracing My Age

.Thats it, it has finally happened. I am 30! The big 3 0. I am no longer a part of the desirable 20’s club. The club of beautiful skinny people that everybody wants to be a member of. When you are in your 20’s you are technically an adult but you are still classed as being young. You are excused of poor judgement calls, staying out all night drinking is almost expected of you and splashing your cash on clothes and cocktails is just a part of being 20.

But once you hit your 30’s, thats it, responsibility is laid  down on your shoulders. You are expected to make sensible choices, to have your white picket fence and a collection of Mary Berry’s Homebake Recipes.

“Hitting your 30’s means that fun has been sucked out of your life”

You are, in the eyes of the world, old enough to know better. So goodbye bodycon short dresses and sexy heels, and hello baggy yoga pants and nipple high knickers because apparently hitting your 30’s means that fun has been sucked out of your life and it is all downhill from here!

embracing my age

I personally didn’t have an issue with turning 30. Frankly I was just thrilled to have an excuse to buy a pretty pink cake and not feel guilty for shovelling it down my throat. But I could definitely see that turning 30 was a turning point for most people, especially for women.

When I was wished happy birthday, I noticed the tone was almost apologetic, and even though I know it was all in good humour it got me thinking. Why is ageing viewed as a negative? Why is there a social pressure on us to stay young?

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have my “OH MY GOD I’m old” moments where I inspect my face for any lines that may or may not have appeared. But I feel that the pressure has become overwhelming for todays women. More and more we are led to believe that younger is better. That once you turn a certain age your sexuality and beauty is out the window. That you are now too old to go after your dreams.

“More and more we are led to believe that younger is better”

I have seen a few of my friends fret and panic as they approached their 30’s and all I have wanted to do was to reassure them that they are still fabulous! We may not be those giggly little airheads we were 10 years old but we are not old invalids either! As Fashion Photographer Peter Lindbergh has recently said to the fashion world ‘It is ridiculous to pretend there are no beautiful older women’ and he is absolutely right!

Check out his ‘Reunion’ photoshoot he did with Italian Vogue were he shot supermodels from the 90’s who are now in the 40’s and 50’s 

embracing my age(Cindy 50, Claudia 46 & Naomi 46, looking just as good as they did 20 years ago in this years Balmain Spring/Summer Collection campaign)

[amazon_link asins=’1910782572,000813961X,0007522053,0857833170′ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’confidentlyky-21′ marketplace=’UK’ link_id=’78583997-3964-11e7-95bb-f7deff171148′]

“The n°1 reason most are scared of ageing is the misconception that beauty and all things good in life die as you get older”

The n°1 reason most are scared of ageing is the misconception that beauty and all things good in life die as you get older. If you believe that then maybe it will come true, but as in most aspects in life, I believe that it is a choice. More and more researchers are discovering that premature ageing and disease can be prevented and even reversed with food, and I am a firm believer! If your body is depleted of vitamins and nutrients then how can you expect it to look and feel its best? Just because the Poppin Fresh Doughboy had clear smooth skin, doesn’t mean you will!

“More and more researchers are discovering that premature ageing and disease can be prevented and even reversed with food”

If you have shovelled huge amounts of chemical laden junk food into your body over the last decade then you cannot expect your skin to keep its youthful glow. Your body would be full of toxic waste and would spend all of its time and energy trying to expel it. Energy that could have been used to repair and regenerate other parts of your body. That is why I advocate detoxing your body at least every year. Cleaning out the waste = A healthy glowing you.

All you have to do is look at the women out there who take the time to nourish their bodies. You can see the effects it has on their appearance and life. Look at Miranda Kerr and Jessica Alba. Both women are owners of successful organic skincare companies, have successful careers and are raising children. Yet they have succeeded at looking fabulous in their mid 30’s! Their secret? Organic healthy eating and de-stressing with meditation and Yoga.

embracing my age

If you look after your body then it will look out for you. So instead of fearing your numbers, embrace them! You decide what life you are going to lead, not a ticking clock!

Logo

xxx

 

[amazon_link asins=’1910782572,000813961X,0007522053,0857833170′ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’confidentlyky-21′ marketplace=’UK’ link_id=’78583997-3964-11e7-95bb-f7deff171148′]

 

 

 

Share this article

Stop Slut Shaming: Empower women instead of slut shaming!

During a catch up with old friends and family, I noticed a mentality that disturbed me somewhat. A way of thinking that I had not seen since my teenage years, and that in my opinion has no place in this day and age amongst adults.

While casually chatting with some of the girls about life, the topic of conversation turned to relationships. Asking one of my single friends if she was seeing anyone, she went on to say that she had just split from someone. She then proceeds to tell me how many men she has slept with, and how difficult it is to find a nice guy with the amount of ‘sluts’ around. Taken aback a bit, I carried on with my night slightly disturbed at her comments as I watched her commenting and judging other women based on their make up and dress sense throughout the night.

“I watched her commenting and judging other women”

As the night went on, I could see there was hostility from the group towards one girl in particular who to me, seemed like a generally nice girl. During dinner the next night a male friend of mine turned to me and said ‘I cannot stand that girl. I don’t like her hanging out with my girlfriend because she is a hoe!’.

When I tried to get an explanation as to why she was a ‘hoe’, What I got disturbed me. Apparently the only reason this girl was not welcome into their group of friends was because she had, on occasion, intimate relations with men she was not in a serious relationship with.

Now my friend is far from innocent when it comes to the opposite sex. He is known for being a player. He is one of those men that would sleep with any girl who would allow it and then turn around and call them all sluts for being too easy. What disturbed me the most is that during this conversation another one of the girls at the table instantly agrees with my friends view on this poor girl. Then proceeds to tell us that she has only slept with 2 men her whole life! By which, she is praised by the others at the table for having such a ‘low’number!. I could not believe my ears! Were we still in high school? Was this really a conversation I was having with adults??

“Were we still in high school? Was this really a conversation I was having with adults?”

As I thought about the events that had taken place that night, I was infuriated. What did those girls think they achieved by telling everyone how many men they had slept with? Did they think that that made them better than anyone else? That by having a low number meant they were more worthy, more deserving of love? More girlfriend material?

Was it was ok for that girl, who chose to enjoy her sexuality, to be immediately branded a slut and treated as instant trash because of it. And the men? Most of them notorious for being players themselves. Constantly ogling anything in a skirt, flashing their double standards in front of everyone as if it were completely normal! They can ogle, cheat and sleep around all they want but if a women is comfortable with her sexuality then she is an instant slut and is thrown to the wolves as soon as they’re done!

“If a women is comfortable with her sexuality then she is an instant slut”

The sad thing is that I used to be one of those girls. Growing up in a family with an asian background and strong religious beliefs, the subject of sex is a huge taboo. Sex is a sin and is an act carried out between man and wife. A wife’s duty to her husband. Sexual desires or urges as a woman were never discussed and was usually frowned upon. This was taught down from the older generations, from our grandparents day and age.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that morals and self respect are very important and that children should be taught this from a young age. However I also believe that they should be taught to respect and empower each other. For young minded individuals it is important to be cautious. It is important to understand and practise self respect when it comes to the opposite sex, especially for young girls. But there is a fine line between teaching self respect and teaching girls that it is shameful to be confident in their bodies.

“Why is it that we have such a slut shaming culture?”

Why is it that we have such a slut shaming culture? How do we live in a so called ‘modern’ society, yet still have views about women that belong in the middle ages? I think  religion has a lot to do with this attitude. In the days of ancient civilisations and paganism, women were rejoiced, seen as goddesses. If she chose you, then it was a damn honour to be chosen. Roll on a couple of centuries and women were seen as inferior, temptresses. If a man was overcome with lust it was the woman’s fault not the mans.

Even though we have come along way from those times. This general attitude still seems prevalent. What strikes me the most is that this attitude is not only enforced by men but by women too.

[amazon_link asins=’006228259X,1844087093,147114920X,0738217026′ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’confidentlyky-21′ marketplace=’UK’ link_id=’d5b36d24-3967-11e7-92d4-a72401e5352b’]

“What strikes me the most is that this attitude is not only enforced by men but by women too”

This needs to stop! We need to empower one another. The reason I have this blog is to help empower and inspire people to be happy with themselves. I am NOT a feminist, I am a humanist. I believe EVERYBODY no matter what gender, religion, ethnic background or whatever, deserves to be happy and live a fulfilled life.

So lets stop these negative attitudes! Sex is a natural act that when performed amongst consenting adults can be a beautiful act of love. Monkeys, apes and dolphins are known to enjoy sex with one another for reasons other than reproducing and I honestly do not see them slut shaming their females for it afterwards!!! Being comfortable and confident in one’s body should be praised not ridiculed!

“Let Stop Slut Shaming”

So if you see a girl who is wearing a tight, short dress, admire her confidence instead of shaming or judging her. Let her confidence inspire you. And if you are lucky enough to meet a woman that lets you close to her in anyway then you should be GOD DAMN proud that SHE chose YOU instead of putting her down for it!

Shaming her after such an honour reflects more your issues than hers. And that goes for men too, men and women deserve to be respected and not judged based on their past choices, how they dress or what they choose to do in the privacy of their own homes. As long as they are not harming anyone else then it is none of your business.

So lets empower each other instead of putting each other down. The world is a better place when it is full of happy people!

xxx

 

[amazon_link asins=’006228259X,1844087093,147114920X,0738217026′ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’confidentlyky-21′ marketplace=’UK’ link_id=’d5b36d24-3967-11e7-92d4-a72401e5352b’]

 

 

 

Share this article