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4 Ways You Are Self Sabotaging And How To Stop It

We all want to be successful in life. Whether it be that you want to get your dream body, obtain your dream career or succeed in relationships. Success is the ultimate goal for most people. Yet even though we may dream of it and feel passionately about it there is often a subconscious drive within us to self sabotage ourselves. We want that fit body yet we stuff ourselves with junk. We want that dream career but we don’t put in the work that is needed. Which puts up unnecessary obstacles to our success. So why are we self-sabotaging? I decided to delve deeper and look at the ins and out of self sabotage and the ways in which we can shake it. Are you self-sabotaging yourself?

 

Are you self-sabotaging yourself?

1. Put the phone down

As I write this blog post I can see at the corner of my eye my phone lighting up with notifications. And no matter how hard I try I feel my concentration fading and my urge to look at my phone take hold of me. I bet this sounds familiar? As wonderful and useful the smart phone innovation has been it has turned us all into phone addicts desperate for our next hit. Try to limit your time on your phone as hard as it sounds, and turn it on airplane mode when you need to do something productive. You will be able to concentrate better and will not be distracted and end up spending your valuable time scrolling the pages of Instagram.! I am turning mine off right now.

2. Staying in your comfort zone

This is one thing that I struggle with as an introvert. Putting myself in uncomfortable situations or situations where i have to …*gasp*…talk to people, can give me real anxiety. However by staying at home all the time and keeping to my comfort zones I will never learn and experiences the things in life I want to experience. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Start by doing little things such as driving down a route you have never done before, or striking up  conversation with a stranger. I used to stress so much about driving our big car around by myself. However it only took me a few practise rounds to be confident in the car.

Are you self-sabotaging yourself?

3. Procrastinating

When I look at all of the entrepreneurs and influencers I admire, they all have one thing in common. They do not procrastinate! They get on with it. Procrastination is the number one cause of failure yet it is probably the hardest habit to fix. It just takes some will power. I find that if I start the day productively then I tend to have a more productive day with less procrastination. Compared to a day where I have a chilled out morning. I have been wanting to lose those extra kilos since having my son for what seems like forever. He is 2 years old. Talk about procrastination!!! So I have now started to get up earlier in the mornings to do my work out before he is awake. Hard? Yes but it has helped me to start the day in a positive way.

4. Not being organised

The biggest issue faced when not being about to achieve your goals is a lack of organisation. Just like anything, to achieve greatness you need a strategy. To have a strategy you need to be organised and have a plan. That includes a plan for your day ahead. When you have no plan for your day then you are more likely to put things off for later and lose track of what needs to be done. I always make a to do list and a time plan so I know how i am going to fit everything into my day. While always still scheduling some me time.

For example, I set aside 2 hours a day for my blog which is usually during Gabriel’s nap. Then 2 hours of study from 7pm to 9pm, with an hour to spare for me to have some free time before I go to bed. This way I decrease my chances of procrastinating during the day and not getting anything done.

Sometimes there are more serious underlying issues that could be the cause for your self-sabotage. These may need to be addressed on a deeper level. Low self esteem and self worth can sometimes be a cause for this. To make any real change the root cause needs to be worked on. Just know that we are all capable of achieving great things, it is all in our mindset.

Check out how learning to live in the present saved me

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Our Fairytale Scottish Wedding at Coo Cathedral

I am back! I have finally gotten my shit together after what feels like an eternity. What was supposed to be a 2 week break from the blog while I focused on my family and wedding. Turned into 2 months! I think I could become the poster child of what a stressed out person looks like. But things have settled and I am ready to get back in to life. So where do I start? So much seems to have happened since my last post. I lost some weight, I bought some new tops .. and oh I got married!!! This is our Scottish Wedding at Coo Cathedral.

I remember sitting down to lunch with one of my old friends who was reminiscing about her wedding. She turned to tell me that “Your wedding day will be the best day of your life”. I remember smiling and thinking how could it be? I have a child. The best day of my life is the day that Gabriel was born. I still remember that feeling of meeting my baby for the first time. Nothing can ever be better than that.

But she was right ( to an extent). The day Gabriel was born was the best day of my life, but so was the day I married my partner, lover and friend. Nothing prepared me for how emotional and fulfilling this day was going to be. A day of pure happiness, joy and love, that I wish I could relive again and again.

Here is a recap of our Fairytale Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral!

The day started in Aboyne at Lys-na-greyne where the owners of this stylish B&B were just delightful and made our wedding weekend really feel special. Joyce cooked all of us a lovely breakfast before heading upstairs to start with hair and makeup. With a little music and prosecco we got pampered and ready for the big day.

After some laughs and giggles things got real, and my bridesmaids had to help me get into my dress.

After a few photos and last minute make up touch ups it was time to head to St Thomas church and tie the knot.

The Church

While the girls got ready in their satin robes, the boys had some photo fun outside of the church showing off their mini kilts!

It was time. I remember feeling slightly nauseous with emotion. I couldn’t believe the it is happening.

The ceremony was lead by Reverend Vittoria Hancock which was beautiful. I was unable to get through my vows because I was so emotional.

We are husband and wife! Ceremony over, we headed outside to get some photos with our little baby bear. Unfortunately he was overwhelmed and tired, and wasn’t up to posing for photos.

The grounds of St Thomas are beautiful and with lots of tall tress which was a perfect setting for a few photos.

Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral

Coo Cathedral

After some photos at St Thomas, we headed to Coos Cathedral in Aboyne to take a few more photos on the castle estate and then start the reception in the beautiful converted cow barn. The venue was everything that we had hoped for. It is romantic and rustic and really played on the whole Scottish theme we wanted for our wedding.

Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral

Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral

Our guests sat outside on hay bales and tucked in to canapés and prosecco before being called in for the Wedding Breakfast. For our gin lovers, we hired Tipple in a Tuk Tuk, who had a vast array of different Scottish gins for our guests to enjoys as well as a Pimp my prosecco table. This little Tuk Tuk was a great addition to our wedding. Not only did it look great, the gin cocktails were amazing. My only regret is that I was away taking photos and only got to enjoy one glass before we were called in for Breakfast.

Scottish Wedding at Coo Cathedral  Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral

A lot of the decorations were sourced by myself and put up the day before the wedding with the help of our amazing friends and family. We couldn’t have done it without you, Thank you !

Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral Scottish Wedding at Coo cathedral

Decorations & Catering

My Step Mother in law made Scottish Tablet for our favours and also made some of the decorations. There are three alcoves in Coos Cathedral and we filled them with little treats and activities for our guests. We had a candy cart by Candy Corner and Ferrero Rochers tables, a rustic styled Photo Booth by Sillysnapz and a handmade photo washing line with photos of us over the years with all of our guests.

Our caterers were Country flavours who we cannot praise enough. There food is absolutely amazing and everyone was well fed on the day. We used Coast Entertainment to source our band. We chose The Veronas from Glasgow who went above and beyond to make sure our day and wedding songs were just how we wanted. They were brilliant and had the dance floor occupied the whole night.

After 2 long years of preparing and organising, our wedding day had finally come and it was everything we had hoped for. Seeing the love and joy from all of our friends and family as Lee and I officially became one is something we will cherish for the rest of our lives. Thank you to everyone who made this day so special.

Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral

All photos taken by Rublislaw Studios

Suppliers

Brides Dress : The House of Oscar Lili Edinburgh

Bridesmaids Dress : Brides Selection Australia

Kilts : Royal Pride Tartan from McCalls

Church : St Thomas

Venue : Coos Cathedral Aboyne Castle Estate

Caterer : Country Flavours of Alford

Florist : Secret Garden

Band : The Veronas

Photo Booth : SillySnapz

Candy Cart : Candy Corner Scotland

Stationary: The Papeterie

Festoon Lighting : Event FX

Photographer : Rublislaw Studios

 

 

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How Living In The Present Helped Me To Take Control Of My Life & Be Who I Wanted To Be

I have been feeling overwhelmed lately. It is sure that planning a wedding can be very stressful. Especially when you have the tendency to be a bit of a control freak like myself? So when everything seems to fall on top of you and you feel weighed down. What do you do? How do you cope?

I remember when I was a pre-teen and how emotionally vulnerable I was. Losing my father to suicide at the age of 12 really screwed up my self esteem and the way I could relate to others my age. I was constantly anxious. Dealing with normal teenage fears of fitting in and finding my independence coupled with the complexities of grief. Was all too much for me to handle.

I was headed down a dark road

To cope I lived in a world of escapism. I was a chronic day dreamer. Reality was just too hard to deal with. So for almost 5 years I created a little world in my head. A future me and a future life that was perfect. Being someone that doesn’t like to burden others, this was in my view, my only other option. I didn’t have to talk about what was really happening and in the process I didn’t have to worry my mum and my family.

It worked for a short time, until one day reality hit me smack bang in the face. I had made myself believe that this little world was real. Or at least was going to be real. I realised it was never going to happen and all hell broke lose. For me I was either constantly stuck an imaginary future or I was in ‘reality’ dealing with the past.

I realised quickly that my coping mechanism wasn’t working and that I was heading down a similar path to my dad. Knock on effect. What was I going  to do? I had already been taken to see counsellor after counsellor. I had already gone down the medication route and I didn’t want to continue the way I was going. So my only option left was for me to take control of my own life.

The Power of Now

That was when I started my own course of self-development and I came across the book ‘ The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle. A strange and unique look on life but a book that helped to transform me to take hold of my life and be the person I wanted to be.

The Power of Now takes on a buddhist type approaching in say that all worry and fear comes from not living the present moment. When you are constantly thinking and fretting about the past then that is when you live with fear. When you are constantly thinking about the future is when you start to live in worry.

I remember reading it and feeling a little uneasy. It was hard to adjust to what I was so used to. Just when I was about to give up I read a line which said. Do you have a problem right now? I thought Yea, I have bills to pay, I am not what I want to be right now. Blah blah. Then I read again. NO Do you have a problem NOW? At this very instant, at this very second. Look around you and where you are and take in everything. Do you have a problem right now?

Letting go of the constant mind chatter

That was my A’HA moment. No I didn’t. I was sitting in my living room curled up on the sofa comfy and warm. At this very second I didn’t have a problem. It was like a weight lifted from my shoulders and I felt light and fluffy. I felt good.

The book goes on to encourage people not to be consumed by the constant chatter in our minds. Which if you listen carefully is often stuck in the past or in the future. But to stop thinking and emerge yourself in the present moment.

This book literally saved me from having a full on mental breakdown and gave me the courage to take hold of my life and be better than I was. There are always times when I get caught up with life and stress, fear and worry take hold of me. But when it gets tough I ask myself. Do I have a problem right NOW?

If you suffer from anxiety, depression, fear or worry which most of us do. I highly recommend you give this book a chance. Check out my post for Simple and Easy ways to de-Stress.

Living In The Present

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5 Things I Have Learnt About Planning a Wedding

With only 5 weeks until my fiancé and I tie the knot. Things have been stressful. Who knew that wedding planning was such a big task, right? For me it was supposed to be straight forward. Venue, Caterer, Music, Dress and Voila. Wedding Planned and Done! Or so I thought.

I didn’t anticipate how stressful and massive wedding planning can be. Not to mention that my fiancé and I had decided to do every major life milestone all at the same time!  Engaged, bought a house and then had a baby all within a year! Yikes Check out my 5 tips for new mums here. We did everything backwards.

Planning a wedding

So as we are tying up some of our loose ends and finalising our big day I thought I would put together some of the things I have learnt during my wedding journey to help all future brides to be prepare and tame the Bridezilla within.

1. The Early Bird gets the worm

I swear that this saying was invented just for weddings. I was amazed at how early in advance we needed to book things. And not just the big things like venue and caterer. EVERYTHING! Lee and I got engaged in July 2015 and had decided that we would plan for the wedding to be exactly two years from that date.

I had my heart set on 7th July 2017. Seven seems to be our lucky number and I desperately wanted that date.  So we went to visit venues a few months later only to be told that it was already booked. We had to change the date

Starting to panic, I started contacting other services that we had wanted such at decorators, bands, even hair and makeup artists. And guess what? They were all booked out! So if you know what you want then save yourself the stress and start booking as soon as he pops the question.

2. Shop Around

As soon as you mention the word Wedding, prices seem to go up three fold. It is ridiculous. Lee and I were looking to get confetti. Nothing fancy just plain old biodegradable confetti so that we can get a nice photo of us coming out of the church with our guests throwing confetti. Simple right? Nope we were looking at a minimum of 60£, and that is for only half of our guests.

This is were you need to be patient and spend a lot of time shopping around to make sure you are getting the best price and not getting duped!  Most of my time has been spent researching and researching the most cost effective way to do things. Even though it takes time, I have been able to find great bargains and alternatives.

 

3. Prepare, Prepare …PREPARE!!!!!!

In order to be as stress free as possible while wedding planning, you need to be as organised as possible. Luckily both my partner and I are fairly organised, we love checklists in our house. At the beginning as you start to book all of the main things for your big day. You will feel this false sense of security that you have everything under control. Chances are you don’t. I went months thinking everything was dandy. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I realised we had no seating for people during the 2 hour wait before dinner. It was a mad dash to find a solution. On top of that you need to think about all of the finer decoration details with in my opinion is the most stressful. I wish we could have a trial day just so I could make sure everything perfect.

4. You cannot do Everything, and that is ok.

No matter how well you have planned your big day, there will always be a moment when you feel you haven’t done enough. We have visited our venue on a few occasions just to keep the image fresh in our minds and to visualise our ideas better. However now that wedding season is upon us, we have arrived to see the remnants of other weddings at our venue. What an amazing way to make you feel like you haven’t done enough and that your wedding is going to be shit is comparison. PANIC!

There are always going to be things that you can add on to your wedding to lake things look nicer. But lets be real, are those things really important? Decide what is really important for you and your partner to have on your big day and then focus on that. If you can live without the light canapé, then scrap it. But if you absolutely want the Photo Booth, the go for it. It is knowing that you have limits and accepting that.

5. Remember this is YOUR day

Weddings can sometimes bring the best and the worst out of people. It can be easy to get carried away and feel like you need to compromise and please everyone else. However never to the detriment of your own happiness. At the end of the day, this is your day. It is about you and your partner, and you have the right to have the day you want and dream of. After all you only get one day in your life time.

Having said that if there are things that you can change to avoid unnecessary drama, without impacting too much on your day then I encourage you to make the sacrifice. Somethings are not worth having a lifetime of resentment for all because you put someone on the wrong table and couldn’t be bothered changing it.

I hope these 5 things helps you in your magical journey. We cannot believe that our journey is almost at its end.  I am going to try to cherish every moment from here up until our big day and you should too.

 

xxx

 

Planning a Wedding

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Addicted to Sugar? Why It Happens And How to Break It

I have to admit, I never thought that I would ever be addicted to sugar. I have always, and I mean always been a savoury over sweet kinda girl. Hand me a bag of crisps and I can and will devour them before you can even blink. But put Chocolate on the table and I will maybe have a square or two before I lose interest and forget they are even here.

I used to feel somewhat proud of this. I had fallen in to almost every other over eater category. What can I say I love food. So I was happy that I seemed immune to the sweet addiction. At least there was one thing that I didn’t feel the need to overindulge in.

This was me………. until I had a baby.

Addicted To Sugar

A lot of new mums I know have experienced the same need for sugar post baby so what is it about female hormones that make us crave sugar? Besides the need to up your calorie levels while breastfeeding, it is also said that serotonin levels drop dramatically after having a baby which leads to strong sugar cravings. Chuck in the sleepless nights and high levels of stress and BOOM. We turn into Sugar Junkies.

Unfortunately for us, once you have boarded the sugar train it is very hard to get off. Sugar is highly addictive, and has even been said to be more addictive than cocaine. It stimulates the reward centres of the brain which causes withdrawal symptoms if you do not get your daily fix. Read about How Sugar Hijacks Your Brain And Makes You Addicted here.

Not only is sugar highly addictive, it is now been classed as the root cause of obesity and obesity related diseases. Sugar is high in calories, however they are empty calories. Meaning that there in no nutritional value what so ever. So with its addictive properties making people want to binge eat and fill up on sugary foods. Their bodies in the mean time are consuming way to many calories whilst depleting the body of nutrients it needs for optimum health.

So How do you ditch the sugar?

Go Cold Turkey

I am sorry to say but there is no other way but to go cold turkey. Just like with any other addictive substance, cutting it out straight away is the best way to detox and get it out of your system. Going down the moderation route will end in disaster. One little bite will set you up and leave you wanting more. Choose a few days where you are likely not to be tempted and go cold turkey.

Do not Give in

This is where you need to muster all the willpower you have. It will be hard but it will be worth it in the end. For me it was harder than I thought. I had serious withdraw symptoms. My usual lazy self was willing to take my son and hike up the hill in the rain just for a piece of cake. I gave in a few times only to make it harder on myself the next day. Be strong and stay in the house if need be. You don’t need any temptations at this time.

Do all your shopping online

This piece of advice was my saviour. If i were to go and walk around the grocery store while fighting my cravings I would be setting myself up for failure. Online shopping not only helps me to save time in my busy mummy schedule and it helps me to get straight to the point and buy only the things I need for our meals. No shopping cart envy or lovely smells to tip me over to the dark side.

Get your 5 a day

Another reason you may be finding it hard to curb the sugar cravings is that your body is desperate for some nutritional therapy. With our modern diet revolved around a lot of processed food. Chances are most of us are not getting enough of the vitamins and minerals our bodies need. Incorporate more fruits and vegetables in your diet. What helped me to curb my cravings was to start the day with a green smoothie. Check out my recipe here.

Need some help quitting sugar? Check out these products

Books to help you quit sugar and change your lifestyle

(Click on the image to be directed to amazon)

                                                  addicted to sugar

So there you are. I hope these tips can help you to cut the sugar addiction and detox your body. I know that it is hard, but in the long run your body and skin will thank you for it.

 

xxx

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Dealing With Living Far From Family

By Posted on 9 4 m read

Living far away from your family can be difficult for everyone no matter what stage of life you are in. However once you become a parent that absence becomes more obvious and difficult to bear.

I have aways been a very independent person. If I need to do something I will do it and will rarely ask anyone for help, even if I need it. That is just a part of who I am, something I am trying to improve but with some difficulty. However since becoming a mother I have found myself more than once wishing that I had my family closer. That I had the support that I needed at times of crisis. (Read my post about how Parenthood makes you appreciate your parents)

“There were times when I felt like I was going to break”

It is no secret that parenthood has its rewards and challenges. To the never-ending kisses you receive before bedtime, to the times I felt like I was at breaking point. I am the first person to say that if you choose to have a child then it is your responsibility to look after them and work your life around your child. I would never expect any one of our family members to take on that responsibility and commitment. They have their own lives to live however sometimes you just need that little extra support to help you get back on your feet.

There were times when I felt like I was going to break. Back when Gabriel was a few months old and he just wouldn’t stop crying. He was tired, probably overly tired. But despite him being tired he just would not sleep. I remember standing over the crib rocking him and patting him desperately trying to soothe my crying baby for what felt like hours.

The constant sound of the crying was sending me overboard until I finally cracked. For a split second I lost control of my temper. For a split second I wanted to scream and throw him across the room. It was only a split second. But that split second sent me into an emotional spiral of guilt. I left him to cry while I went to my room and cried myself.

At that moment. I needed my mum. I needed someone that understood me and that I knew wouldn’t judge me. Someone that would sweep in and help no questions asked and reassure me that I was not the worst mother on the planet. I needed my own family.

“I needed someone that understood me”

Having family nearby has its obvious perks(Babysitting and home cooked meals). But one thing that comes along with it is Family Influence. When I see Gabriel with his grandparents from my partners side. It is a lovely thing to watch. He loves his grandparents and he knows who they are and what they represent. He is growing up with the same influence his father grew up with. But what influence does he have from my side of the family?

living far away from your family

My partners side of the family are all very sporty. They love their sports and I can see this influence rubbing off on my son already. My side however are very musical, a trait that my partners side do not posses. My brother and I grew up with the Burmese culture and some of my most treasured memories are from our big family dinners with lots of traditional burmese food. Singing and sharing stories with all of my uncles, aunties and cousins. Music and food was the essence of my childhood. How do I give that essence to Gabriel when there is only one person around to represent it?

Steps to Survive

As difficult as it can be, i think the first step to surviving without your family is to remember why there is distance in the first place and to learn to accept it. Besides moving back to Australia there is nothing I can do to change it. And the reason I live so far is because I chose to live in Europe.The next step is to do everything you can to keep in touch with your family and implement their influence and culture. We are lucky that we live in a day when technology is at its best. I am able to video call my folks whenever possible, and though it is not the same as being face toface. My family get to see Gabriel as he grows up and learns new things.

And finally know that even though your family are not close by, you probably do have a lot people that are more the willing to help if you ask them.  I know that my partners family as well as some of my friends would have helped me if I had reached out. That was just my own pride getting in the way. Sometimes being away from your own family gives you the opportunity to become closer to others. Family doesn’t always mean blood. It is a bond that you can have with anyone if you are willing.

 

Dealing with living far away from family

 

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