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4 Ways To Make Friends In Adulthood

I remember the first moment I walked in to my very first baby class. I’d only been living in Aberdeen for a year and I was eager to meet some new people. I parked the car and anxiously walked up to the door with my changing bag and carseat in tow. Surely this should be easy right? We were all new mums with babies. We were all in the same boat. I walked in ready to practise my conversational skills after what felt like an eternity of baby talk. Only to find that I was a lot more awkward than I had thought. Conversation didn’t come easily and I was beginning to think I had not only lost my waistline. But my personality too. Making friends in Adulthood shouldn’t be hard, but it can at times feel worse than high school. I learnt the hard way. So here are ways to make friends in adulthood that has helped me through the years.

I came across this awkward feeling quite a few times during my adult life. Having moved from Australia to Switzerland, Switzerland to France and eventually France to Scotland. I have had my fair share of daunting and sometimes embarrassing moments whilst on the hunt for friends. The thing is that once you get over the fear of looking like an idiot or being rejected. It can come pretty naturally. All you have to do is push a few boundaries and bite the bullet. Even if you feel like a complete loser.

Making Friends in Adulthood

 

Get out and about

This may seem obvious but you will be surprised by how many people tell me they can’t make friends yet are constantly glued to their living room sofa. If you want to meet people and make friends then you need to get out. Join a sporting club or attend a local event or party. Either way get yourself out of the house. I made quite a few good friends through Facebook groups whilst in France and I know my husband met some of his now best friends through an expat football club. You need to make an effort. I know a few people who complain about not having friends but then never come out when asked.

Be bold

This story is one that was recounted numerous times with disbelief when I lived in Switzerland. Thankfully when i first moved to Switzerland I already knew a handful of people who took me under their wing. However most of them being boys, I craved a friendship that only girls can understand. So we were in a bar one day when I saw a group of girls sat talking at the bar amongst themselves. One of the girls had caught the attention of one of my friends. Wanting an excuse to talk to them and i used my friend as a cue to go start a conversation. I remember walking up to them and just sitting down and introducing myself. It turns out they were all from Brazil and spoke great english. Fast forward a few months and we were all inseparable and saw each other every week during the year and a half I lived in Switzerland!

Make a conscience effort

When I first moved to Aberdeen I found it really hard. Harder than anywhere else I had lived. Maybe it is because it is a small town. Or because people already have a tight group of friends since school years. But one thing was for sure. I had never felt more awkward in my life. My husband, who was just my boyfriend at the time was working offshore and I was stuck at home scrolling Facebook feeling extremely isolated. Sad isn’t it? So when one of our mutual friends invited me to her hen night. I jumped at the idea. It was a great excuse to get dressed up, have a drink and of course meet people. After meeting a few girls that night, I made a conscious effort not to let the opportunity pass me by. I added them on Facebook and then plucked up the courage to ask them if they wanted to meet for a coffee. They both said yes and now are two of my bestest friends. One of which was my maid of honour at my wedding!

Don’t force it

Last by not least, the best advice I can give is to not sabotage yourself by trying to be something you are not. When you try too hard to fit in and make some friends it usually does the opposite. People can tell if you are being fake straight away. Just relax, put your self out there and make a conscious effort. Be natural and true to yourself and hopefully you will make some rewarding friendships that last a lifetime.

 

Making Friends In Adulthood

 

 

 

 

 

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Goodbye Pads & Tampons, Hello Menstrual Cup

Women seem to have been dealt the short end of the stick when it comes to bodily changes and functions. Not only do we go through puberty earlier than boys. We are also burdened with the task of growing and birthing a child, menopause and of course our periods. As we get older we all become accustomed to our monthlies. But just because getting your period comes with the territory. It doesn’t mean that we need to suffer every month while ruining our best loved trousers and pants. So I recently made the switch to the Mooncup® menstrual cup and finally said goodbye to the dreaded pads and tampons. Here’s why

It Helps The Environment & Your Pockets

The Mooncup® menstrual cup is made from soft medical-grade silicone which is claimed to last as long as 5 – 10 years when looked after properly. Compare that to regular pads and tampons that not only can be used once but are often covered in plastic materials that cannot be recycled. Imagine the amount of pad and tampon waste we must be producing in the world. There is going to come a point where the earth cannot hide it anymore! Yuck!

The environmental factors alone were enough to intrigue me however the savings I made was a deal breaker. A Mooncup costs approximately £20 for a cup that can last up to 5 years, even 10 with good maintenance according to some websites. As I have endometriosis and suffer from intensely heavy periods. I easily spent between £15 to £20 per month on menstrual products. According to the Huffington Post the average woman in the UK spends approximately £13 on pads and tampons each month. And that does not include the extra cost of new underwear or trousers due to spillages.

It’s Great For both Light & Heavy Flows

I always had the dilemma of having to change from tampons to pads when my period was approaching the end. Which was a bummer as the pads would cause chaffing and just feel very unpleasant. However with the Mooncup it doesn’t matter how heavy you are. It holds 3 times more than a regular tampon and can be left in for 4-8 hours. So on my heaviest days when i usually had a few leakages I feel safe for longer and I rarely have any accidents. And on my lightest days I could carry on with my day with no discomfort at all.

They are super comfortable

There are times when I forget that I am wearing one or that I am even on my period. Something that never happened when I was using tampons and pads. The medical grade silicone is very soft and flexible making it really easy to fit to your body and doesn’t smell at all. At first I will admit I found it hard to wrap my head around. I had to cut the stem a few times to adjust it to my body and had to practise inserting it multiple times. However by the second month I had it down pat and never looked back. The only downside is that it can get messy when you are emptying the cup especially if you are in a public toilet. My advice is to carry some wipes to wipe the cup clean before reinserting and wash your hands thoroughly.

Useful Info

The cup comes in two sizes which are determined by your child bearing history and your age both of which can affect your pelvic floor tone. The size has nothing to do with your menstrual flow. Before the first use and after you have used the Mooncup you must sterilize it by boiling it in hot water for 5-7 minutes or by using a sterilizing agent.

The Mooncup® menstrual cup has really made my life a lot easier and I have found that I have suffered from a lot less cramps since using it. I truly recommend it to anyone who wants to feel more themselves when on their period. You can buy the cup at Boots or by clicking the links below. Visit their website for more info www.mooncup.co.uk

Hopefully you will join me by ditching the tampons and embracing the Mooncup!

This post contains a Press Sample

 

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Morning Habits For A Productive Day

Ugh…The dreaded mornings. I was never a morning person. I was and still am one of those people who loves their sleep. The one who hits the snooze button over a million times. Just to catch another minute or two of shut eye. When I was single and childless it wasn’t so bad. Getting ready in 20 minutes was easy if you knew what you were doing. But then I became a mum. Morning lie ins were no longer possible and I quickly found that if I wasn’t productive and organised in the mornings. Then my days were gone before I knew it and I felt like I had lost the day.

When you are a busy mum like myself, the morning routine can sometimes take its toll. Especially if your little ones were up during the night. However having good morning habits can not only boost your motivation. It can also set a positive pace for the rest of the day and help to reduce any stress or anxiety you may be feeling. So after 2 years of struggling to juggle everything. Here are my Morning Habits For A Productive Day.

Morning Habits For A Productive Day

Be the first to Wake Up

I admit this is something I still struggle with. Especially when my husband is home from offshore and when the weather is a bit drizzly. However as hard as it can be, waking up before my son and getting a few things done in the morning has been a life saver. The initial feeling of getting out of bed is the worst. However once you are out and dressed it actually feels somewhat therapeutic to have some quiet time to yourself. I use this time to get a workout done, reply to emails and drink my morning smoothie in peace. This calm start to the day puts me in a instant good mood and sets the precedent for the day.

Exercise in the morning

If you read my post on my belly donut dilemma then you know I am trying to get back into shape. But how do I find the time when my husband is offshore, I have a house to run, I am studying and I run a blog?! The only time and best time for me is in the mornings! I wake up and go down stairs to get a 30 min workout and shower before getting my son up and tackling the day. That way the workout and shower is done and I don’t have any excuses during the day to not workout. It has been proven that exercise can help to lift your mood and reduce stress. The rush of feel good endorphins just makes me ready to take on anything and there is no better time to feel motivated than in the morning.

Make the Bed & Get Dressed

This might sound daft but making the bed and getting dressed first thing in the morning can make a huge difference. For me it is like closure. I am dressed and my bed is made. So that means I am definitely not getting back in it and the day has officially begun. Getting dressed is especially important for me. Being a stay at home / work from home mum, it is super easy for me to laze around in my pj’s until late morning. However when I do this I find my motivation levels decrease and I feel more anxious and lazy with my appearance.

So now my outfit is prepared the night before ( which is usually my gym gear) and I get dressed as soon as I wake or have my shower. That not only prepares me for the day but also boosts my self confidence. Even if i am just staying in the house I will layout nice loungewear for the day ahead.

 

Healthy Breakfast

I love a fry up just like the next person. However I feel that when I eat a big unhealthy meal at breakfast it leaves me feeling sluggish and bloated. And can at times make me feel tired and lethargic. So I try and start my day with something light and healthy and leave the heavier things for a bit later. Especially now that I am working towards getting rid of the spare tyre, a healthy breakfast is a must. I love drinking my super green smoothie first thing in the morning and then follow it up about an hours later ( usually after my workout) with a bowl of fruit, gluten free granola and kefir or a veggie omelette. I find a breakfast that is full of healthy fibre and fruit aids my digestion and makes me feel more healthy and energised. Get my green smoothie recipe here

Make a Plan

Last but not least make a plan or list of all the things that you must do that day. When you have loads of things to do during your day like me it can feel overwhelming. Trying to wing it and not having some kind of structure to the day usually sets me up for failure. I end up being behind on my blog, study or feeling like I haven’t given my son enough quality time. It really helps to make a plan and compartmentalise the day by setting time for each task. That way you know first hand roughly how your day is going to be and can make sure that you have the right balance.<

Getting the right balance in life can be hard. But if you use your time effectively and incorporate some of these morning habits. Then you should be able to tackle each day productively!

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4 Ways You Are Self Sabotaging And How To Stop It

We all want to be successful in life. Whether it be that you want to get your dream body, obtain your dream career or succeed in relationships. Success is the ultimate goal for most people. Yet even though we may dream of it and feel passionately about it there is often a subconscious drive within us to self sabotage ourselves. We want that fit body yet we stuff ourselves with junk. We want that dream career but we don’t put in the work that is needed. Which puts up unnecessary obstacles to our success. So why are we self-sabotaging? I decided to delve deeper and look at the ins and out of self sabotage and the ways in which we can shake it. Are you self-sabotaging yourself?

 

Are you self-sabotaging yourself?

1. Put the phone down

As I write this blog post I can see at the corner of my eye my phone lighting up with notifications. And no matter how hard I try I feel my concentration fading and my urge to look at my phone take hold of me. I bet this sounds familiar? As wonderful and useful the smart phone innovation has been it has turned us all into phone addicts desperate for our next hit. Try to limit your time on your phone as hard as it sounds, and turn it on airplane mode when you need to do something productive. You will be able to concentrate better and will not be distracted and end up spending your valuable time scrolling the pages of Instagram.! I am turning mine off right now.

2. Staying in your comfort zone

This is one thing that I struggle with as an introvert. Putting myself in uncomfortable situations or situations where i have to …*gasp*…talk to people, can give me real anxiety. However by staying at home all the time and keeping to my comfort zones I will never learn and experiences the things in life I want to experience. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Start by doing little things such as driving down a route you have never done before, or striking up  conversation with a stranger. I used to stress so much about driving our big car around by myself. However it only took me a few practise rounds to be confident in the car.

Are you self-sabotaging yourself?

3. Procrastinating

When I look at all of the entrepreneurs and influencers I admire, they all have one thing in common. They do not procrastinate! They get on with it. Procrastination is the number one cause of failure yet it is probably the hardest habit to fix. It just takes some will power. I find that if I start the day productively then I tend to have a more productive day with less procrastination. Compared to a day where I have a chilled out morning. I have been wanting to lose those extra kilos since having my son for what seems like forever. He is 2 years old. Talk about procrastination!!! So I have now started to get up earlier in the mornings to do my work out before he is awake. Hard? Yes but it has helped me to start the day in a positive way.

4. Not being organised

The biggest issue faced when not being about to achieve your goals is a lack of organisation. Just like anything, to achieve greatness you need a strategy. To have a strategy you need to be organised and have a plan. That includes a plan for your day ahead. When you have no plan for your day then you are more likely to put things off for later and lose track of what needs to be done. I always make a to do list and a time plan so I know how i am going to fit everything into my day. While always still scheduling some me time.

For example, I set aside 2 hours a day for my blog which is usually during Gabriel’s nap. Then 2 hours of study from 7pm to 9pm, with an hour to spare for me to have some free time before I go to bed. This way I decrease my chances of procrastinating during the day and not getting anything done.

Sometimes there are more serious underlying issues that could be the cause for your self-sabotage. These may need to be addressed on a deeper level. Low self esteem and self worth can sometimes be a cause for this. To make any real change the root cause needs to be worked on. Just know that we are all capable of achieving great things, it is all in our mindset.

Check out how learning to live in the present saved me

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Our Fairytale Scottish Wedding at Coo Cathedral

I am back! I have finally gotten my shit together after what feels like an eternity. What was supposed to be a 2 week break from the blog while I focused on my family and wedding. Turned into 2 months! I think I could become the poster child of what a stressed out person looks like. But things have settled and I am ready to get back in to life. So where do I start? So much seems to have happened since my last post. I lost some weight, I bought some new tops .. and oh I got married!!! This is our Scottish Wedding at Coo Cathedral.

I remember sitting down to lunch with one of my old friends who was reminiscing about her wedding. She turned to tell me that “Your wedding day will be the best day of your life”. I remember smiling and thinking how could it be? I have a child. The best day of my life is the day that Gabriel was born. I still remember that feeling of meeting my baby for the first time. Nothing can ever be better than that.

But she was right ( to an extent). The day Gabriel was born was the best day of my life, but so was the day I married my partner, lover and friend. Nothing prepared me for how emotional and fulfilling this day was going to be. A day of pure happiness, joy and love, that I wish I could relive again and again.

Here is a recap of our Fairytale Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral!

The day started in Aboyne at Lys-na-greyne where the owners of this stylish B&B were just delightful and made our wedding weekend really feel special. Joyce cooked all of us a lovely breakfast before heading upstairs to start with hair and makeup. With a little music and prosecco we got pampered and ready for the big day.

After some laughs and giggles things got real, and my bridesmaids had to help me get into my dress.

After a few photos and last minute make up touch ups it was time to head to St Thomas church and tie the knot.

The Church

While the girls got ready in their satin robes, the boys had some photo fun outside of the church showing off their mini kilts!

It was time. I remember feeling slightly nauseous with emotion. I couldn’t believe the it is happening.

The ceremony was lead by Reverend Vittoria Hancock which was beautiful. I was unable to get through my vows because I was so emotional.

We are husband and wife! Ceremony over, we headed outside to get some photos with our little baby bear. Unfortunately he was overwhelmed and tired, and wasn’t up to posing for photos.

The grounds of St Thomas are beautiful and with lots of tall tress which was a perfect setting for a few photos.

Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral

Coo Cathedral

After some photos at St Thomas, we headed to Coos Cathedral in Aboyne to take a few more photos on the castle estate and then start the reception in the beautiful converted cow barn. The venue was everything that we had hoped for. It is romantic and rustic and really played on the whole Scottish theme we wanted for our wedding.

Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral

Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral

Our guests sat outside on hay bales and tucked in to canapés and prosecco before being called in for the Wedding Breakfast. For our gin lovers, we hired Tipple in a Tuk Tuk, who had a vast array of different Scottish gins for our guests to enjoys as well as a Pimp my prosecco table. This little Tuk Tuk was a great addition to our wedding. Not only did it look great, the gin cocktails were amazing. My only regret is that I was away taking photos and only got to enjoy one glass before we were called in for Breakfast.

Scottish Wedding at Coo Cathedral  Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral

A lot of the decorations were sourced by myself and put up the day before the wedding with the help of our amazing friends and family. We couldn’t have done it without you, Thank you !

Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral Scottish Wedding at Coo cathedral

Decorations & Catering

My Step Mother in law made Scottish Tablet for our favours and also made some of the decorations. There are three alcoves in Coos Cathedral and we filled them with little treats and activities for our guests. We had a candy cart by Candy Corner and Ferrero Rochers tables, a rustic styled Photo Booth by Sillysnapz and a handmade photo washing line with photos of us over the years with all of our guests.

Our caterers were Country flavours who we cannot praise enough. There food is absolutely amazing and everyone was well fed on the day. We used Coast Entertainment to source our band. We chose The Veronas from Glasgow who went above and beyond to make sure our day and wedding songs were just how we wanted. They were brilliant and had the dance floor occupied the whole night.

After 2 long years of preparing and organising, our wedding day had finally come and it was everything we had hoped for. Seeing the love and joy from all of our friends and family as Lee and I officially became one is something we will cherish for the rest of our lives. Thank you to everyone who made this day so special.

Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral Scottish Wedding Coo cathedral

All photos taken by Rublislaw Studios

Suppliers

Brides Dress : The House of Oscar Lili Edinburgh

Bridesmaids Dress : Brides Selection Australia

Kilts : Royal Pride Tartan from McCalls

Church : St Thomas

Venue : Coos Cathedral Aboyne Castle Estate

Caterer : Country Flavours of Alford

Florist : Secret Garden

Band : The Veronas

Photo Booth : SillySnapz

Candy Cart : Candy Corner Scotland

Stationary: The Papeterie

Festoon Lighting : Event FX

Photographer : Rublislaw Studios

 

 

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How Living In The Present Helped Me To Take Control Of My Life & Be Who I Wanted To Be

I have been feeling overwhelmed lately. It is sure that planning a wedding can be very stressful. Especially when you have the tendency to be a bit of a control freak like myself? So when everything seems to fall on top of you and you feel weighed down. What do you do? How do you cope?

I remember when I was a pre-teen and how emotionally vulnerable I was. Losing my father to suicide at the age of 12 really screwed up my self esteem and the way I could relate to others my age. I was constantly anxious. Dealing with normal teenage fears of fitting in and finding my independence coupled with the complexities of grief. Was all too much for me to handle.

I was headed down a dark road

To cope I lived in a world of escapism. I was a chronic day dreamer. Reality was just too hard to deal with. So for almost 5 years I created a little world in my head. A future me and a future life that was perfect. Being someone that doesn’t like to burden others, this was in my view, my only other option. I didn’t have to talk about what was really happening and in the process I didn’t have to worry my mum and my family.

It worked for a short time, until one day reality hit me smack bang in the face. I had made myself believe that this little world was real. Or at least was going to be real. I realised it was never going to happen and all hell broke lose. For me I was either constantly stuck an imaginary future or I was in ‘reality’ dealing with the past.

I realised quickly that my coping mechanism wasn’t working and that I was heading down a similar path to my dad. Knock on effect. What was I going  to do? I had already been taken to see counsellor after counsellor. I had already gone down the medication route and I didn’t want to continue the way I was going. So my only option left was for me to take control of my own life.

The Power of Now

That was when I started my own course of self-development and I came across the book ‘ The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle. A strange and unique look on life but a book that helped to transform me to take hold of my life and be the person I wanted to be.

The Power of Now takes on a buddhist type approaching in say that all worry and fear comes from not living the present moment. When you are constantly thinking and fretting about the past then that is when you live with fear. When you are constantly thinking about the future is when you start to live in worry.

I remember reading it and feeling a little uneasy. It was hard to adjust to what I was so used to. Just when I was about to give up I read a line which said. Do you have a problem right now? I thought Yea, I have bills to pay, I am not what I want to be right now. Blah blah. Then I read again. NO Do you have a problem NOW? At this very instant, at this very second. Look around you and where you are and take in everything. Do you have a problem right now?

Letting go of the constant mind chatter

That was my A’HA moment. No I didn’t. I was sitting in my living room curled up on the sofa comfy and warm. At this very second I didn’t have a problem. It was like a weight lifted from my shoulders and I felt light and fluffy. I felt good.

The book goes on to encourage people not to be consumed by the constant chatter in our minds. Which if you listen carefully is often stuck in the past or in the future. But to stop thinking and emerge yourself in the present moment.

This book literally saved me from having a full on mental breakdown and gave me the courage to take hold of my life and be better than I was. There are always times when I get caught up with life and stress, fear and worry take hold of me. But when it gets tough I ask myself. Do I have a problem right NOW?

If you suffer from anxiety, depression, fear or worry which most of us do. I highly recommend you give this book a chance. Check out my post for Simple and Easy ways to de-Stress.

Living In The Present

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