Eek I cannot believe I am 30 weeks pregnant already. This time around seems to have flown by and before we know it we will be a family of four! I have not really been updating a lot about my pregnancy mostly because there hasn’t been much to report. Unlike my previous pregnancy with Gabriel, I feel completely normal and must confess that if it wasn’t for my massive bump. I would forget I was even pregnant. With that said now that we are a handful of weeks away until he or she will arrive. The excitement and fear of the unknown is rearing its head and I can’t help but ask myself. How am I going to manage? 30 Weeks Pregnant & My Fears of Life With Two
As the time gets closer, I have started to feel a sense of guilt when I look at my little boy. I am not as energetic or as patient as I would like to be. And to be frank I just don’t want to be on the floor all day playing trains. So lately Gabriel has had to learn to play more independently and give me some peace. Which though i feel is a necessary step, makes me feel rather guilty. He is at an age where he wants my undivided attention. He wants to play non stop and vocalises his desires throughout the day. No matter how annoying it is. So I ask myself how am I going to split my time with two? How am I going to make sure that he does not feel neglected or replaced? While still tending to the needs of our newborn?
The Threenager and The Newborn
Gabriel has just recently turned 3 and WOW what an age this is. He is amazing in the sense that he can communicate very well and generally makes us laugh from the cute and cheeky little things he says. The downside? Is that he now argues back? Say what?
Everything now is a battle of wits and he is now asserting his own personality and independence. It is great that he is growing and learning how to be himself. It is not so great that he refuses to do even the most simple things. I fear how I will handle this while my husband is offshore AND I am feeding a newborn! As I am already at my wits end with his new found adolescent attitude. With lack of sleep and breastfeeding I just hope I do not snap.
No More Freedom?
Does this mean the end of our freedom and babysitting options? Babysitting one child is one thing, but looking after two is another? With all of my family in Australia and half of Lee’s in Harlow and Glasgow. I fear that our days as just a couple are over and that we may struggle to have those ever needed date nights. Or god forbid…a weekend away? So how do we make sure our marriage doesn’t take the hit? How do we still make sure to tend to each others needs?
So the questions about managing time between my two children as well as my husband were on the top of my anxiety list. But then I though what about time for myself? Will I have the time to work out and get back into shape after baby number two? Will I still be able to juggle studying full time while keeping house and looking after the kids? How do I make sure that I do not lose myself and sabotage my mental health in the process?
All of these questions have been entering my mind. And though I know everything will be ok (after all people do it all the time all over the world). I cannot help but wonder. I guess time will tell and all I can do is try to prepare myself and my little family as much as possible. I am going to have to as organised as ever to make sure nothing/ no-one is neglected. It is such a strange thing to feel completely excited about something and yet terrified at the same time. Bring on May! We have a hell of a year ahead of us!
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