4 Ways To Make Friends In Adulthood
I remember the first moment I walked in to my very first baby class. I’d only been living in Aberdeen for a year and I was eager to meet some new people. I parked the car and anxiously walked up to the door with my changing bag and carseat in tow. Surely this should be easy right? We were all new mums with babies. We were all in the same boat. I walked in ready to practise my conversational skills after what felt like an eternity of baby talk. Only to find that I was a lot more awkward than I had thought. Conversation didn’t come easily and I was beginning to think I had not only lost my waistline. But my personality too. Making friends in Adulthood shouldn’t be hard, but it can at times feel worse than high school. I learnt the hard way. So here are ways to make friends in adulthood that has helped me through the years.
I came across this awkward feeling quite a few times during my adult life. Having moved from Australia to Switzerland, Switzerland to France and eventually France to Scotland. I have had my fair share of daunting and sometimes embarrassing moments whilst on the hunt for friends. The thing is that once you get over the fear of looking like an idiot or being rejected. It can come pretty naturally. All you have to do is push a few boundaries and bite the bullet. Even if you feel like a complete loser.
Get out and about
This may seem obvious but you will be surprised by how many people tell me they can’t make friends yet are constantly glued to their living room sofa. If you want to meet people and make friends then you need to get out. Join a sporting club or attend a local event or party. Either way get yourself out of the house. I made quite a few good friends through Facebook groups whilst in France and I know my husband met some of his now best friends through an expat football club. You need to make an effort. I know a few people who complain about not having friends but then never come out when asked.
This story is one that was recounted numerous times with disbelief when I lived in Switzerland. Thankfully when i first moved to Switzerland I already knew a handful of people who took me under their wing. However most of them being boys, I craved a friendship that only girls can understand. So we were in a bar one day when I saw a group of girls sat talking at the bar amongst themselves. One of the girls had caught the attention of one of my friends. Wanting an excuse to talk to them and i used my friend as a cue to go start a conversation. I remember walking up to them and just sitting down and introducing myself. It turns out they were all from Brazil and spoke great english. Fast forward a few months and we were all inseparable and saw each other every week during the year and a half I lived in Switzerland!
Make a conscience effort
When I first moved to Aberdeen I found it really hard. Harder than anywhere else I had lived. Maybe it is because it is a small town. Or because people already have a tight group of friends since school years. But one thing was for sure. I had never felt more awkward in my life. My husband, who was just my boyfriend at the time was working offshore and I was stuck at home scrolling Facebook feeling extremely isolated. Sad isn’t it? So when one of our mutual friends invited me to her hen night. I jumped at the idea. It was a great excuse to get dressed up, have a drink and of course meet people. After meeting a few girls that night, I made a conscious effort not to let the opportunity pass me by. I added them on Facebook and then plucked up the courage to ask them if they wanted to meet for a coffee. They both said yes and now are two of my bestest friends. One of which was my maid of honour at my wedding!
Don’t force it
Last by not least, the best advice I can give is to not sabotage yourself by trying to be something you are not. When you try too hard to fit in and make some friends it usually does the opposite. People can tell if you are being fake straight away. Just relax, put your self out there and make a conscious effort. Be natural and true to yourself and hopefully you will make some rewarding friendships that last a lifetime.
This is so nice! Now that I’m a mom it’s really hard to maintain friendship because time is really important. But good to hear this. Sometimes we need to get out and talk to a friend and just be yourself.
Yes I totally agree that having girlfriend time can be a lifesaver when you are a mum.
This is wonderful advice! It is surprisingly so hard to make adult friends — especially those who you can eventually really confide in. Being bold doesn’t come naturally to everyone (I’m one of those!), but it does get easier with time. Thanks for sharing!!
Thank you. I know I usually am not very bold but sometimes I just needed to force myself to just talk to people
This is definitely something I struggle with! Since moving I find myself just waiting to see my friends who live 2 hours away, it would be nice to be social with more people here though!
Aw i totally feel you. it can be hard when you move away
This is so true! I never realized just how easy it was to make friends in high school compared to making friends as an adult, let alone a mom. I have to learn to be my old outgoing self again in order to get through this!
I know. It was much easier when we were kids. Yes! Go girl, you can do it
Valerie Gray (@valmg)
You make a good point for folks seeking friends. I have a good number of acquaintances. I don’t have many close friends and I’m at the age where I’m ok with that, I don’t think a person can juggle too many truly good friends.
Yes that is true. it can be hard to juggle a lot of friends sometimes
What great tips! So many of my friends aren’t moms so I’ve been wanting to make new “mom” friends. I love these tips and definitely need to start going out and about more to help me meet them.
Aw glad you liked it. It is hard at first but you just need to get out there
Rogue Couture (@Rogue_Couture)
I totally relate to feeling the loss of personality. I get so caught up in trying to connect with others that I forget to mention my own interests. You mentioned that you reached out in multiple occasions and it worked, but balancing that without it seeming forceful is quite hard. Hopefully though, things will work out if they are meant to.
| RogueCouture.weebly.com |
I love your story about meeting the Brazilians! Being a new mom can be so isolating, so it’s important to put yourself out there and start chatting!
Seriously making meaningful friendships that aren’t just based on work is a struggle as an adult. These are some great tips.
Great tips – sometimes, it seems so simple but it takes a knack to attract and forge strong friendships!
I completely agree with not forcing friendships. It’s not so easy to make friends as an adult but when they come naturally, you know that you have made a new friend. It’s exciting to meet new people. You never know who will bring what into your life.
These are great suggestions, it can be so hard to make friends as an adult but you definitely shared some good tips!
Making friends can be hard but even harder when your adult. These are great tips and very true!
Making new friends as an adult can be so tough! I love all these tips (:
Why is this such a thing. Making friends as an adult is a challenge but it shouldn’t be.
Anastasia Fountouli, PhD (@natbeestravels)
Such an interesting post! I felt like this the first time I went to a bloggers meeting. I thought we were all having the same interests and we could talk about photography, ideas etc. but it ended up being a Mummy bloggers chat and I felt out of space because I had nothing to contribute! I do agree making friendships in adulthood and especially if you are moving around constantly is difficult, BUT some of my strongest friendships have been created in the most awkward situations so its worth to keep trying 🙂
Thank you Anastasia! Yes i agree that blogger meet up can be really awkward too. It is a same that they did talk about something else considering there were others that weren’t mum bloggers.
I really enjoyed this post. It is so true. It is much harder to find friends as an adult especially when you are new to an area. It does require making an effort and putting yourself out there as well as being true to yourself. I have made one or two really good friends via blogging which I am very thankful for.
Thank you Nital. I am so glad you liked the post. Yes you sometimes need to get our of your comfort zone even though it is hard to do sometimes