So the day had finally arrived, the day I had been craving for so long, the day my little boy spent his first whole day in nursery. Coming up to the event, I could not wait. Almost a year with him constantly stuck to me like a little gumball, there was finally a little light at the end of the tunnel. I was going to have a day of peace every week. A day where I could take a long hot shower, a day I could finally read a book, a day where I could actually go to the toilet without having him banging on the door or worse clinging to my legs. Ew!
So as I woke up in the morning, listing all the productive things I was going to do that day, I couldn’t help but feel a tiny ball in my stomach. Was it the anticipation? The pent up excitement over my first day alone in almost a year? Or was it something else?
Getting myself and Gabriel ready that morning I couldn’t help but feel sad for my poor little pet gremlin. He had no idea that he was to spend the whole day at nursery without me. Would he miss me? Would he give trouble when he was dropped off or would he too, be happy to get some space? Yessss I can finally play instead of having her stop me from licking my snot and rubbing it on the couches . I am such an asshole parent.
Gabriels first drawing: I don’t think he is going to be the next Picasso….
But when we arrived at the nursery, I shouldn’t have worried because as I went to kiss my son goodbye and wish him a good day he completely pied me! and when I say pied, I mean PIED. He wouldn’t even look at me because he was so excited to play with the other kids, and as I went in to kiss him I was greeted with his hand smacking my kiss away as he turned his back to me. Ouch! I guess he wasn’t going to miss me.
On the way home, I could feel that tiny ball in my stomach growing bigger until I found myself choking the tears away. What is wrong with you?? You are finally FREE! I thought, except I wasn’t. Even though it was great having my long awaited hot shower and having a bit of time to get things done, I couldn’t help but watch the clock. After a year of moaning how I needed time to myself, when I finally got it I found myself missing my little boy. The realisation that this was the beginning of his independence from me brought me to tears. He now has a life that I don’t know about or am apart of. Something I will need to get used to as he gets older.
As the time went by I was eager to pick him up and see how his day had been and wondered if he had missed me? Peaking through the window, I saw him sitting with one of the nursery staff reading a book and couldn’t help but feel a little pang of disappointment at seeing no sign of distress. Taking it as meaning he had enjoyed our day apart, more than I had.
But as we walked in and found out how his day had been, to my surprise I was greeted with a huge emotional hug and covered in a million baby kisses. After all my anticipation for my first day alone, that moment turned out to be the best part of my day.
Cherish each and every moment you have with your little ones. The good, the bad and the ugly. You may wish for more ‘you’ time and reminisce about the amazing life you had pre kids but in the end you will miss the times they wake you up in the middle of the night just for a cuddle. I learned that instead of wishing this time away, enjoy it as it will not last very long.