On a night out at a comedy club last weekend, the host was engaging with the audience around him, looking for someone to pick on. Sitting at the very front of the stage, I was an easy target. (It was my hen do for gods sakes I was an easy target for anything that weekend). Thankfully he started on other people that were closer to the stage but I knew it was a matter of time. As he talked and asked questions to the audience and poking fun at them I froze. Oh god! He is going to ask me what I do for a living?
Why am I ashamed to be a blogger?
You see I do not have a conventional job per se, though there are some that make a lot more money doing what I do than others in “conventional” jobs. In fact I work my butt off everyday to be able to one day be one of those people. But yet I am embarrassed. I am scared of what people are going to think. I am scared of being judged. What do I do? I am a blogger.
I have always been an ambitious person. The best advice I have ever gotten from someone was ‘Don’t rely on anyone else to look after you’. And that was what I did. I left Australia at the tender age of 19 and never looked back. I built a life and career from scratch all by myself, in a non-english speaking country and I am damn proud of that! But things changed.
I made the decision to follow my partner back to his hometown in Scotland which is predominantly run by the oil and gas sector. A beautiful country but career suicide for someone who works in the Fashion Industry. I can build a life and career again, I have done it before. I said feeling optimistic. And then I fell pregnant.
Made me feel like I was making a difference
Suffering from severe nausea I was forced to give up the job I had landed just as the oil and gas market plummeted. So I become a stay at home mum. The city that was once full of job opportunities had nothing to offer anymore. And people from difference sectors like myself were doomed. With my partner working offshore every month, my priority became my son and my life was consumed with baby. Check out my post about my struggle with PostPartum Healthy Anxiety
I love being a mum, but some people like me dream of more. Having always been independent I struggled with this new life. I used to want to conquer the world, but now I felt like my dreams were just far fetched fantasies. I had to do something. So to help me keep my feelings of inadequacy at bay I started blogging. It wasn’t much but it made me feel like a had a job again. Like I was working towards something. It was just a little piece of me that I could hold on to and make me feel like I was making a difference, even if it was small.
I could already see them rolling their eyes at me
So when my blog took off unexpectedly in January, I was stunned. I couldn’t believe that anybody was bothered to look at or read what I had to say. But it continued to grow. Could I actually do this full time? Could I make a job out of this? After doing some research I saw that lots of people make a living out of blogging and I felt a drive in me that I had not felt in a long time. So I started to take my blog a little more seriously.
Even though I was working a lot of hours, researching, writing and studying to understand this new world. Whenever someone would ask me what I did or if I was going back to work. I stumbled. How can I tell these people I am a blogger. They will laugh. I could already see them rolling their eyes at me, but why?
Society can be very judgemental
The thing is with blogging, is that people do not appreciate how much work actually goes into it. People see a few blog posts pop up a few times a week and they think it is just a small hobby you do when you have a bit of spare time. They don’t realise you spend hours a day brainstorming ideas, writing and editing photos. They don’t see that you have to learn about SEO, Web Coding and Online Marketing in order for your blog to be seen or to resemble something.
People just think you are sitting behind a computer ranting and posing for selfies. So I felt embarrassed to tell people what I was doing that I preferred to say I was a stay at home mum then to actually tell people that I’m a blogger. My feelings of inadequacy had taken over me causing me to feel ashamed of something I shouldn’t be. But I couldn’t help it. Society can be very judgemental and I didn’t want to be at the end of the judgement stick. What I didn’t realise was that by not standing up as a blogger I was contributing to this judgement and consequently letting myself and my fellow bloggers down.
They don’t realise you spend hours a day brainstorming
As difficult as it is I have decided to practise what I preach. I started this blog to give myself meaning and encourage myself and others to be confident in who they are. Regardless of what stage of life you’re are in. No matter what race, gender or sexual orientation. No matter what you do! (Hence the name ConfidentlyKylie, Get it?)
So for myself and for all my fellow bloggers, I refuse to be scared of what others may think. I won’t sit back and undermine the hard work we do. So the next time someone asks me what I do. I will be brave enough to say I am a blogger.